On being 27...

Two of my close friends are celebrating their birthday's this weekend and both have them are having a hard time with the fact that they're growing older. One commented that if someone had asked her 10 years ago where she thought she would be at 27 she never would have thought this is where she would be. She said when she was younger she always thought that at 27 she would be married to a fantastic guy, have a house, a good job, and maybe a kid. Instead she's single, living alone, no kids, she does have a pretty good job though.

The funny thing is, I feel the same way. I always thought that by 27 I would be someone. I would be married, maybe with kids, and have everything figured out. Instead, I'm single, no kids, and I am far from having it figured out. I sometimes wonder how I ended up this way. I started out with so many dreams, a list of things that I was going to accomplish, and I just knew that I was going to make a difference in the world. Instead I find myself selling shoes for a living, trying to find a "real" job, not really knowing what I want to do with my life, and wasting my time on a lot of guys who end up being really boring, and sometimes truly awful. How did it happen? I suppose I could go through and pinpoint all the mistakes that I've made over the years, but how tedious and self-depricating.

I watched part of 'Titanic' yesterday and I was remembering how I felt the first time I saw it. I felt like that kind of love was possible, and not only was it possible, it was going to happen to me. I was going to fall in love with someone and it was going to be this magical, wonderful experience. I felt like I would one day be able to write my own love story that would rival that of Rose and Jack (obviously minus the whole dying in the middle of the ocean part). I was 14.

At 27 I watch 'Titanic' and while I do still love the boat, I hate the love story. I wonder if a love story is possible and I certainly no longer think that my life will have a love story like that. It's easy to be a hopeless romantic at 14, at 27 it just starts to feel hopeless.

It's hard to find someone that I can spend more than one evening with. I struggle to get past the first date. Actually, it's hard to find someone that is worth a first date. Then if I do find someone that I do enjoy spending time with something happens and it all goes to hell.

I did hear the other day that 27 is the average age at which a girl gets married these days. I have always wanted to be above average.